1
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,581
Where's my suitcase?
2
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,752
Who stole the hair dryer?
3
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,381
Miss. Young lady!
4
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,460
Excuse me. Girls!
5
00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:38,470
Hey, little fella. Hey!
6
00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:41,014
Excuse me, girls. Girls!
7
00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:42,842
Hey, big fella!
8
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:45,227
Help me make the beds
in the living room.
9
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:46,600
Come on down here!
10
00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,768
Hey, son!
11
00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:53,027
Big fella.
Hey, little guy! Little guy!
12
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:57,190
Pete's brother
and his family are here.
13
00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:58,945
Trish is going to Montreal.
14
00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:01,698
Montreal? Oh, her family's there.
15
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,366
- Then we're off.
- When?
16
00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:05,869
- Tomorrow.
- You're not ready, are you?
17
00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:08,993
Uncle Frank won't let me
watch the movie...
18
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:10,543
...but the big kids can.
19
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,037
Why can't I?
20
00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:13,418
I'm on the phone.
21
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:16,500
When do you come back?
Not till then?
22
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,553
It's not even rated R.
He's just being a jerk.
23
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:23,265
Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no...
24
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,093
...then it must be really bad.
25
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:28,478
No, we put the dog in the kennel...
Hey, get off!
26
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:29,896
Kevin, out of the room.
27
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:32,399
Hang up the phone and make me,
why don't you?
28
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:33,604
This kid.
29
00:02:33,779 --> 00:02:36,316
Did you pick up
a voltage adapter thing?
30
00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:38,067
No, I didn't have time.
31
00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:41,025
- Then how do I shave in France?
- Grow a goatee.
32
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:43,406
Dad, nobody'll let me do anything.
33
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:47,915
I've got something, pick up those
Micro Machines that are all over.
34
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:50,076
Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck.
35
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:52,627
He was playing
with the glue gun again.
36
00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:54,129
We talked about that.
37
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,421
Did I burn down the joint?
I don't think so.
38
00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:59,460
I made ornaments out of fish hooks.
39
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:03,635
- My new fish hooks?
- I can't make them out of old ones...
40
00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:06,221
...with dry worm guts stuck on them.
41
00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:10,187
- Peter.
- Come on, Kevin. Out.
42
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,647
Do you guys have a voltage adapter?
43
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,315
Here's a voltage adapter!
44
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:18,146
God, you're getting heavy!
Go pack your suitcase.
45
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:22,446
Pack my suitcase?
46
00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:25,069
- Where's the shampoo?
- I don't live here.
47
00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:27,450
This many people here
and no shampoo.
48
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,786
- Are your folks home?
- They don't live here.
49
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,622
- Tracy, did you order the pizza?
- Buzz did.
50
00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:34,829
Excuse me. Are your parents here?
51
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:36,546
My parents live in Paris.
52
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:37,798
- Hi!
- Hi!
53
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:39,333
- Are your parents home?
- Yeah.
54
00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:41,422
- Do they live here?
- No.
55
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:45,305
No. Why should they?
All kids, no parents.
56
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:46,890
Probably a fancy orphanage.
57
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:51,061
I don't know how to pack a suitcase.
I've never done it once.
58
00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:53,389
- Tough.
- That's what Megan said.
59
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:56,100
- What did I say?
- You told him, "Tough."
60
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:59,653
The dope was whining about a suitcase.
What was I supposed to say?
61
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,530
"Congratulations, you're an idiot"?
62
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,278
- I'm not an idiot!
- Really?
63
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:06,576
You're helpless! We have to do
everything for you.
64
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:09,997
- She's right, Kev.
- Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small.
65
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:11,824
I don't know how to pack.
66
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:15,377
- I hope you didn't just pack crap.
- Shut up, Linnie.
67
00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:18,539
- Do you know what I should pack?
- Buzz told you, cheek-face.
68
00:04:18,717 --> 00:04:20,503
Toilet paper and water.
69
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,628
What are you so worried about?
70
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,430
You know Mom's gonna
pack your stuff, anyway.
71
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,766
You're what the French call
les incompetents.
72
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,010
What?
73
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,854
Bombs away!
74
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:41,820
P.S. You have to sleep
on the hide-a-bed with Fuller.
75
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:45,150
If he has something to drink,
he'll wet the bed.
76
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:48,694
This house is so full of people
it makes me sick!
77
00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:51,656
When I grow up and get married,
I'm living alone!
78
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:54,663
Did you hear me?
I'm living alone!
79
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:57,536
I'm living alone!
80
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,291
Who's gonna feed your spider?
81
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:06,796
He just ate a load of mice guts.
He'll be good for a couple weeks.
82
00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:11,425
Is it true French babes
don't shave their pits?
83
00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:13,138
Some don't.
84
00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,179
But they got nude beaches.
85
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:17,605
Not in the winter.
86
00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:25,485
Buzz?
87
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,775
Don't you know how to knock,
phlegm-wad?
88
00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:31,412
Can I sleep here?
I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
89
00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,455
If he drinks, he'll wet the bed.
90
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:38,248
I wouldn't let you sleep in my room
if you were growing on my ass.
91
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,673
Check it out. Old man Marley.
92
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:48,716
Who's he?
93
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:52,975
You ever heard of
the South Bend Shovel Slayer?
94
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:55,010
- No.
- That's him.
95
00:05:55,230 --> 00:06:00,100
In '58 he murdered his whole family
and half the people on his block...
96
00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:03,227
...with a snow shovel.
97
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:06,730
Been hiding out
in this neighborhood ever since.
98
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:10,488
If he's the shovel slayer,
how come the cops don't arrest him?
99
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,445
Not enough evidence to convict.
100
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,201
They never found the bodies.
101
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,495
Everyone around here knows he did it.
102
00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:19,960
It'll just be a matter of time...
103
00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:22,208
...before he does it again.
104
00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:24,085
What's he doing now?
105
00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:27,217
He walks up and down
the streets every night...
106
00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:29,716
...salting the sidewalks.
107
00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:31,888
Maybe he's just trying to be nice.
108
00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:35,304
No way.
109
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:38,395
See that garbage can full of salt?
110
00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:41,857
That's where he keeps his victims.
111
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,856
The salt turns the bodies...
112
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,896
...into mummies.
113
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,903
Mummies!
114
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:56,697
Look out!
115
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:31,986
How you kids doing? Good?
116
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,781
Lot of action around here today, huh?
117
00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:36,578
Going on vacation?
118
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:38,329
Where you going?
119
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:42,000
You hear me, or what?
Going on a trip?
120
00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:44,211
Where you going, kid?
121
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:56,469
Okay, that's $122.50.
122
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,975
Not from me, kid. I don't live here.
123
00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:01,220
You just around for the holidays?
124
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:02,729
You could say that.
125
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,481
- Pizza's here!
- There you go.
126
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,645
That's $122.50.
127
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,894
It's my brother's house. He'll get it.
128
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,239
Hey, listen...
129
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,032
- Hi.
- Hi.
130
00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:16,443
- Are you Mr. McCallister?
- Yeah.
131
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,495
The Mr. McCallister who lives here?
132
00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:21,160
Good, because somebody
owes me $122.50.
133
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,918
- I'd like a word with you, sir.
- Am I under arrest or something?
134
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:29,002
No, no, no. There's always
a lot of burglaries around the holidays.
135
00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:33,298
We're checking the neighborhood to see
if the proper precautions are taken.
136
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:37,548
We have automatic timers
for our lights, locks for our doors.
137
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,758
That's about as well
as anybody can do.
138
00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:42,015
- Did you get some eggnog?
- Come on.
139
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:43,637
- Let's eat.
- Come on.
140
00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:44,850
- Eggnog?
- Pizza!
141
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:48,400
- Are you gonna be leaving...?
- Pizza!
142
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:51,357
Grab a napkin
and pour your own drinks.
143
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:56,283
- Does Santa go through customs?
- What time do we have to go to bed?
144
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:59,320
Early. We're leaving at 8 a.m.
on the button.
145
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:03,282
I hope you're all drinking milk.
I want to get rid of it.
146
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:08,086
- Pizza boy needs $122.50, plus tip.
- For pizza?
147
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:10,039
Ten pizzas times 12 bucks.
148
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,667
- You've got money.
- Traveler's checks.
149
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,968
Forget it, Frank. We have cash.
150
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:18,343
You probably got the checks
that don't work in France.
151
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:21,470
Did anyone order me a plain cheese?
152
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,802
Yeah. But if you want any...
153
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:27,307
...somebody's gonna have to barf it up
because it's gone.
154
00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:31,397
Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi.
155
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:40,197
Kev! Kev, get a plate.
156
00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:53,005
- Passports!
- Watch it!
157
00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:58,924
No, no. Get these passports
out of here.
158
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:06,352
Are you okay, honey? Come here.
Are you all right?
159
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,271
What is the matter?
160
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,225
He started it!
He ate my pizza on purpose.
161
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,480
He knows I hate sausage and olives...
162
00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:16,154
Look what you did, you little jerk!
163
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:31,085
Get upstairs now.
164
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:32,291
Why?
165
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:34,168
You're such a disease.
166
00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:36,757
- Shut up!
- Kevin, upstairs!
167
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,132
- Say good night, Kevin.
- "Good night, Kevin."
168
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,966
Why do I get treated like scum?
169
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:46,768
I'm sorry. This house is just crazy.
170
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:49,228
We've got all these extra kids
running around.
171
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:52,478
My brother's in from Ohio.
It's nuts.
172
00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:55,227
How come you didn't bring
more cheese pizzas?
173
00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:58,484
- Nice tip. Thanks.
- Thanks.
174
00:10:58,658 --> 00:10:59,898
Having a reunion?
175
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:04,411
My husband's brother transferred
to Paris. His kids are still here.
176
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,281
He missed the family,
so he invited us to Paris...
177
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,661
...so we'll be together.
178
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:12,456
- You're taking a trip to Paris?
- Yes, we leave tomorrow morning.
179
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,837
Excellent. Excellent.
180
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:18,087
If you'll excuse me,
this one's a little out of sorts.
181
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:21,011
Don't worry about me.
I spoke to your husband.
182
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:26,050
And don't worry about your home.
It's in good hands.
183
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:32,105
Fifteen people in this house,
and only you have to make trouble.
184
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:33,682
I'm getting dumped on.
185
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:36,685
You're the only one acting up.
Now get upstairs.
186
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:39,233
I am upstairs, dummy!
187
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,610
The third floor?
188
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,988
- Go.
- It's scary up there.
189
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,070
Fuller'll be up in a while.
190
00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:49,327
I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
He wets the bed.
191
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,749
He'll pee all over me. I know it.
192
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:53,744
We'll put him somewhere else.
193
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,379
I'm sorry.
194
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,003
It's too late. Get upstairs.
195
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:04,091
Everyone in this family hates me!
196
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:06,469
Then ask Santa for a new family.
197
00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:10,143
I don't want a new family.
I don't want any family. Families suck!
198
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:13,473
Stay up there. I don't want
to see you again tonight.
199
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:16,183
I don't want to see you
for the rest of my life.
200
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:18,860
I don't want to see
anybody else either.
201
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:21,070
I hope you don't mean that.
202
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:25,158
You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up
and didn't have a family.
203
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,368
No, I wouldn't.
204
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,163
Then say it again. Maybe it'll happen.
205
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:33,584
I hope I never see
any of you jerks again!
206
00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:57,433
I wish they would all just disappear.
207
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,668
- Where are they?
- I don't know. She said 8 sharp.
208
00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:07,593
Peter!
209
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,468
- We slept in!
- We slept in!
210
00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:31,193
Hi, I'm Mitch Murphy.
I live across the street.
211
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:33,198
You guys going out of town?
212
00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:34,787
We're going to Florida.
213
00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:38,617
Well, first we're going to Missouri
to pick up my grandma.
214
00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:41,328
You know the McCallisters
are going to France?
215
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:42,912
Do you know if it's cold?
216
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:47,717
- Do these vans get good mileage?
- Kid, I don't know. Hit the road!
217
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,632
Do a head count.
Get everyone in the vans.
218
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:55,057
Where are the passports?
219
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,177
I put them in the microwave to dry.
220
00:14:57,438 --> 00:15:01,181
How fast does this go?
Does it have automatic transmission?
221
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,187
Does it have 4-wheel drive?
222
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:07,271
Look, I told you before, kid.
Don't bother me. Now, beat it!
223
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:20,955
Line up in front of the van.
224
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,879
Line up and shut up!
225
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:27,799
Shut up! I gotta take a head count.
226
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:29,379
One, two, three...
227
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,962
Eleven, 92, 12...
228
00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:34,548
Buzz, don't be a moron.
229
00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:37,676
Six, seven, eight...
230
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:40,478
...nine, 10, 11.
231
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:44,516
Okay, half in this van,
half in this one. Let's go.
232
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:48,483
Have a good trip.
Bring me back something French.
233
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:55,031
There's no way we'll make this plane.
It leaves in 45 minutes.
234
00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:56,486
Think positive!
235
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:58,617
You be positive. I'll be realistic.
236
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:02,375
Ma'am. Ma'am.
Excuse me, your power is fixed...
237
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:06,205
...but the phones are a mess.
It'll take a couple of days to fix.
238
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:08,794
- Especially around the holidays.
- Thanks.
239
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,341
Did you count heads?
240
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:12,343
Eleven, including me.
241
00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:17,140
Five boys, six girls, four parents, two
drivers, and a partridge in a pear tree.
242
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,301
Hold the plane!
243
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:56,425
- Did we miss it?
- You just made it.
244
00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:01,301
Single seats only in coach.
Take whatever's free.
245
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:04,266
I get a window seat!
246
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:10,894
- Kids are in coach, we're first class.
- Seats Four A and B.
247
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,571
Four A and B. I'll take your coats.
248
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:17,199
- Fasten your seat belts.
- Champagne, please.
249
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:19,527
- It's free, isn't it?
- Oh, yes.
250
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:21,571
We made it.
251
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:25,534
Do you believe it?
Hope we didn't forget anything.
252
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:47,540
Mom?
253
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:54,876
Thank you.
254
00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:58,426
- That's real. That's real crystal.
- Yeah, so?
255
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,551
- Put them in your purse.
- Frank, I can't do that.
256
00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:04,508
Just... Put them in your purse!
257
00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:07,386
Yeah. Fill it up. Fill it up.
258
00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:08,936
Fill it up, please.
259
00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:10,889
Thank you.
260
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:14,651
Don't you feel like a heel,
flying first class with the kids in coach?
261
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:16,235
No. The kids are fine.
262
00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:20,736
The only time I ever flew as a kid was
in the station wagon, not to France.
263
00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:23,902
We had to go to Aunt Laura
and Uncle Arthur's.
264
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:27,280
Kids are okay. They're having
the time of their lives.
265
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:29,999
Hello?
266
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:32,918
Mom?
267
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,755
Dad?
268
00:19:40,471 --> 00:19:43,589
Mom? Dad?
269
00:19:45,476 --> 00:19:47,513
Where are you guys?
270
00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:49,802
Buzz?
271
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,226
Buzz?
272
00:19:56,487 --> 00:19:58,603
Buzz?
273
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,233
Megan?
274
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,110
Hello?
275
00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:08,822
Hello?
276
00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:10,285
Rod?
277
00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:11,957
Uncle Frank?
278
00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:14,836
Uncle Frank, is this a joke?
279
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:19,549
Megan? Linnie?
280
00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:23,883
Is this a joke?
281
00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:49,279
It's only my imagination.
282
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:51,489
Only my imagination.
283
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:12,052
The cars are still here.
They didn't go to the airport!
284
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:33,573
I made my family disappear.
285
00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:36,788
You're completely helpless.
286
00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:41,836
You know, Kevin, you're what
the French call les incompetents.
287
00:21:42,092 --> 00:21:45,050
Kevin, I'm going to feed you
to my tarantula.
288
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:48,054
Kevin, you are such a disease.
289
00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:53,226
There are 15 people, and you're
the only one who has to make trouble.
290
00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:57,055
Look what you did, you little jerk!
291
00:22:00,611 --> 00:22:04,195
I made my family disappear.
292
00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:20,086
I'm free!
293
00:22:40,192 --> 00:22:43,401
No clothes on anybody. Sickening!
294
00:22:44,446 --> 00:22:47,939
Cool! Firecrackers!
I'll save these for later.
295
00:22:48,409 --> 00:22:51,117
Buzz, I'm going through
all your private stuff.
296
00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:53,907
You better come out and pound me!
297
00:22:57,918 --> 00:23:00,956
Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof!
298
00:23:49,970 --> 00:23:51,335
Who is it?
299
00:23:55,017 --> 00:23:57,884
It's me, Snakes. I got the stuff.
300
00:23:58,187 --> 00:24:00,929
Leave it on the doorstep
and get the hell out.
301
00:24:01,190 --> 00:24:04,273
All right, Johnny,
but what about my money?
302
00:24:04,485 --> 00:24:05,520
What money?
303
00:24:05,736 --> 00:24:07,977
A.C. said you had some dough for me.
304
00:24:08,197 --> 00:24:11,110
Is that a fact?
How much do I owe you?
305
00:24:11,325 --> 00:24:13,236
A.C. said 10 percent.
306
00:24:14,411 --> 00:24:16,869
Too bad A.C. ain't in charge no more.
307
00:24:17,748 --> 00:24:20,035
Guys, I'm eating junk
and watching rubbish!
308
00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:22,787
You better come out and stop me!
309
00:24:23,003 --> 00:24:25,119
He'll call you when he gets out.
310
00:24:26,674 --> 00:24:28,039
Hey.
311
00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:30,291
I'll tell you what I'll give you.
312
00:24:31,929 --> 00:24:34,216
I'm gonna give you
to the count of 10...
313
00:24:34,932 --> 00:24:37,219
...to get your ugly, yellow...
314
00:24:37,434 --> 00:24:39,596
...no-good keister off my property...
315
00:24:39,812 --> 00:24:41,803
...before I pump your guts
full of lead.
316
00:24:42,022 --> 00:24:44,639
All right, I'm sorry. I'm going.
317
00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:47,107
One, two... 10.
318
00:25:02,543 --> 00:25:04,750
Keep the change, you filthy animal.
319
00:25:06,672 --> 00:25:08,003
Mom!
320
00:25:19,309 --> 00:25:20,640
What's the matter?
321
00:25:22,104 --> 00:25:23,265
Honey?
322
00:25:24,648 --> 00:25:28,061
- I have a terrible feeling.
- About what?
323
00:25:29,695 --> 00:25:31,277
That we didn't do something.
324
00:25:32,281 --> 00:25:34,773
You feel that way
because we left in a hurry.
325
00:25:34,950 --> 00:25:38,193
- We took care of everything.
- Did I turn off the coffee?
326
00:25:38,579 --> 00:25:39,785
No.
327
00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:41,070
I did.
328
00:25:41,290 --> 00:25:42,701
Did you lock up?
329
00:25:44,084 --> 00:25:45,290
Yeah.
330
00:25:46,628 --> 00:25:47,993
Did you close the garage?
331
00:25:50,007 --> 00:25:51,088
That's it.
332
00:25:51,300 --> 00:25:53,712
I forgot to close the garage. That's it.
333
00:25:59,475 --> 00:26:01,341
No, that's not it.
334
00:26:03,395 --> 00:26:05,102
What else could we be forgetting?
335
00:26:09,026 --> 00:26:10,061
Kevin!
336
00:26:53,779 --> 00:26:56,942
The captain's doing all he can.
Your phones are out of order.
337
00:26:57,157 --> 00:26:59,615
We'll call when we land.
I'm sure it's okay.
338
00:27:01,578 --> 00:27:03,569
Horrible. Horrible.
339
00:27:03,914 --> 00:27:05,200
Just horrible.
340
00:27:05,624 --> 00:27:08,161
How could we do this? We forgot him.
341
00:27:08,377 --> 00:27:10,664
We didn't forget him,
we just miscounted.
342
00:27:11,755 --> 00:27:14,213
What kind of mother am I?
343
00:27:14,424 --> 00:27:17,883
If it makes you feel any better,
I forgot my reading glasses.
344
00:27:22,599 --> 00:27:25,466
Five families gone
on one block alone.
345
00:27:25,686 --> 00:27:28,644
They all told me
from their own mouths.
346
00:27:28,897 --> 00:27:30,387
It's almost too easy.
347
00:27:30,941 --> 00:27:31,976
Check it out:
348
00:27:32,192 --> 00:27:34,229
All the houses with nobody home...
349
00:27:34,444 --> 00:27:37,277
...have automatic timers
on their lights.
350
00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:40,944
But I got it all figured out.
Watch this.
351
00:27:42,202 --> 00:27:47,117
Number 664 will be going on
right about...
352
00:27:48,458 --> 00:27:49,698
...now.
353
00:27:50,711 --> 00:27:52,668
Wait, wait, wait.
354
00:27:53,755 --> 00:27:56,543
Number 672...
355
00:27:57,551 --> 00:28:00,088
...right now.
356
00:28:02,431 --> 00:28:03,512
Wait a minute.
357
00:28:03,807 --> 00:28:06,674
671...
358
00:28:06,852 --> 00:28:07,933
...now.
359
00:28:10,439 --> 00:28:13,932
And that's the one, Marvin.
That's the silver tuna.
360
00:28:14,443 --> 00:28:15,649
It's very G.
361
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:18,732
Very G, huh? It's loaded.
362
00:28:18,947 --> 00:28:21,188
It's got lots of top-flight goods.
363
00:28:21,450 --> 00:28:24,738
- Stereos, VCRs...
- Toys?
364
00:28:24,953 --> 00:28:27,536
Probably looking at
some very fine jewelry.
365
00:28:27,956 --> 00:28:29,321
Possible cash horde.
366
00:28:30,083 --> 00:28:32,575
Odd marketable securities.
367
00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:35,540
Who knows? It's a gem.
368
00:28:36,340 --> 00:28:38,297
Grab your crowbar.
369
00:28:39,301 --> 00:28:40,962
Crowbars up.
370
00:29:40,153 --> 00:29:41,689
Which way?
371
00:29:41,863 --> 00:29:44,195
We'll go around back,
down the basement.
372
00:30:05,053 --> 00:30:07,841
- You said they were gone.
- They were gonna leave today.
373
00:30:08,056 --> 00:30:09,672
Let's get out of here.
374
00:30:46,136 --> 00:30:48,468
We have to use the phone, please.
375
00:30:49,306 --> 00:30:52,014
It's an emergency.
We really have to make a call.
376
00:30:52,225 --> 00:30:54,717
Please! Our brother's home alone.
377
00:30:55,437 --> 00:30:57,223
Give us the phone!
378
00:30:57,522 --> 00:30:58,728
I'm sorry. Thank you.
379
00:30:58,940 --> 00:31:01,648
I'm calling the police.
Book us a flight home.
380
00:31:01,860 --> 00:31:04,727
Get change out of here.
Call everybody you know.
381
00:31:04,946 --> 00:31:09,110
Here's my address book. You and Frank
call everyone on our street.
382
00:31:09,326 --> 00:31:11,112
Maybe somebody can help us.
383
00:31:11,328 --> 00:31:14,696
Hello? Hello?
Oh, she'll have to call you back.
384
00:31:21,129 --> 00:31:24,963
This is ridiculous. Only a wimp
would be hiding under a bed.
385
00:31:25,175 --> 00:31:29,169
And I can't be a wimp.
I'm the man of the house.
386
00:31:36,478 --> 00:31:39,812
Hey, I'm not afraid anymore!
387
00:31:40,857 --> 00:31:44,441
I said, I'm not afraid anymore!
388
00:31:44,986 --> 00:31:48,775
Do you hear me?
I'm not afraid anymore.
389
00:32:19,396 --> 00:32:20,682
Village police department.
390
00:32:20,856 --> 00:32:24,269
I'm calling from Paris.
I have a son who's home alone.
391
00:32:24,484 --> 00:32:29,570
I'd like somebody to go there. Tell him
that we're coming home to get him.
392
00:32:29,823 --> 00:32:31,860
Okay, let me connect you
with Family Crisis Intervention.
393
00:32:32,033 --> 00:32:33,364
No, it's not a family crisis.
394
00:32:33,535 --> 00:32:34,900
Hold on.
395
00:32:36,830 --> 00:32:40,198
Larry, can you pick up?
There's some hyper lady on hold.
396
00:32:40,459 --> 00:32:42,791
- What line, Rose?
- Two.
397
00:32:43,462 --> 00:32:45,829
Family Crisis Intervention,
Sergeant Balzak.
398
00:32:46,089 --> 00:32:48,922
I'm calling from Paris.
I have a son who's home alone.
399
00:32:49,134 --> 00:32:53,799
Has the child been involved in
violence with a drunk family member?
400
00:32:54,014 --> 00:32:55,049
No!
401
00:32:55,348 --> 00:32:57,840
Has he been involved
in a household accident?
402
00:32:58,059 --> 00:33:00,221
I don't know. I hope not.
403
00:33:01,605 --> 00:33:05,599
Has the child ingested any poison
or is an object lodged in his throat?
404
00:33:05,859 --> 00:33:09,318
No, he's home alone! I'd like
somebody to go over to the house...
405
00:33:09,529 --> 00:33:11,315
...and see if he's all right.
406
00:33:12,449 --> 00:33:16,033
You want us to go to your house,
just to check on him.
407
00:33:16,244 --> 00:33:17,325
Yes!
408
00:33:17,996 --> 00:33:19,578
Let me connect you to the police.
409
00:33:19,789 --> 00:33:21,245
They just transferred me.
410
00:33:21,416 --> 00:33:23,578
- Rose! Hyper on 2.
- Hang on.
411
00:33:23,793 --> 00:33:27,411
- Hold on, please.
- No, please don't hang up. Please!
412
00:33:28,256 --> 00:33:29,496
Any luck?
413
00:33:29,674 --> 00:33:31,085
No.
414
00:33:31,259 --> 00:33:33,921
- I couldn't get anybody.
- Leslie?
415
00:33:34,137 --> 00:33:36,424
Nothing but a bunch
of answering machines.
416
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:41,558
Somebody pick up. Pick up!
417
00:33:41,770 --> 00:33:43,761
Oh, hi, ma'am. It's you again.
418
00:33:43,939 --> 00:33:47,898
I'm calling from Paris.
I have a son who's home alone, and I...
419
00:33:48,109 --> 00:33:51,898
We'll send a policeman over
to your house to check on your son.
420
00:34:22,185 --> 00:34:24,847
There's no one home.
The house looks secure.
421
00:34:25,063 --> 00:34:27,145
Tell them to count their kids again.
422
00:34:28,233 --> 00:34:30,645
You can't bump somebody or ask or...?
423
00:34:30,860 --> 00:34:32,692
There's no way I can do that.
424
00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:34,986
Isn't there a way
if you ask somebody?
425
00:34:35,198 --> 00:34:36,688
If you said it's an emergency...
426
00:34:36,908 --> 00:34:38,148
I cannot ask them.
427
00:34:38,451 --> 00:34:40,692
A policeman's going
over to the house.
428
00:34:40,912 --> 00:34:43,825
Well, that's a relief.
Everything here is booked.
429
00:34:43,999 --> 00:34:45,080
Nothing to Chicago?
430
00:34:45,333 --> 00:34:48,496
There's nothing to Chicago,
New York, Nashville.
431
00:34:49,879 --> 00:34:52,997
- What about a private plane?
- Sorry. We don't do that.
432
00:34:53,258 --> 00:34:56,125
The only thing is a booking
for us on Friday morning.
433
00:34:56,344 --> 00:34:58,836
Friday morn... That's two days away.
434
00:34:59,055 --> 00:35:02,764
The kids are exhausted and so are you.
There's nothing we can do.
435
00:35:02,976 --> 00:35:07,971
I say we go over to Rob's, and
that way we can call the police again.
436
00:35:08,273 --> 00:35:11,482
I'm not leaving here
unless it's on an airplane.
437
00:35:11,693 --> 00:35:13,775
Madame, we are doing
everything we can.
438
00:35:14,029 --> 00:35:17,988
If you want to stay at the airport,
maybe we can get you on standby.
439
00:35:18,241 --> 00:35:21,108
It is a possibility
that a seat will open up.
440
00:35:21,870 --> 00:35:24,658
- Is that okay?
- Yes. I'll wait.
441
00:35:30,420 --> 00:35:32,627
- Bye. I'll miss you, honey.
- Bye.
442
00:35:36,635 --> 00:35:38,376
Don't you get lost.
443
00:35:39,971 --> 00:35:41,132
Goodbye.
444
00:35:56,905 --> 00:35:59,988
I took a shower, washing every
body part with actual soap.
445
00:36:00,283 --> 00:36:02,115
Including all my major crevices...
446
00:36:02,327 --> 00:36:04,739
...between my toes
and in my belly button...
447
00:36:04,996 --> 00:36:07,408
...which I never did before
but enjoyed.
448
00:36:07,916 --> 00:36:13,002
I washed my hair with adult formula
shampoo and used cream rinse.
449
00:36:14,005 --> 00:36:17,248
I can't find my toothbrush,
so I'll pick one up today.
450
00:36:17,509 --> 00:36:19,591
Other than that, I'm in good shape.
451
00:37:10,228 --> 00:37:13,471
All right! Buzz's life savings.
452
00:37:40,300 --> 00:37:42,917
I thought the Murphys went to Florida.
453
00:37:59,194 --> 00:38:02,232
You're one of the great
cat burglars of the world.
454
00:38:02,447 --> 00:38:05,109
You think you can keep it
down a little in there?
455
00:38:05,784 --> 00:38:09,527
You've reached the Murphys.
Please leave a message after the beep.
456
00:38:10,413 --> 00:38:14,281
This is Peter McCallister again.
We're in Paris at my brother's.
457
00:38:14,542 --> 00:38:17,955
Let me give you the number here.
The country code is 33.
458
00:38:18,171 --> 00:38:23,132
The area code is 14
and the number is 694-876...
459
00:38:23,551 --> 00:38:25,337
- Hey, Harry.
- Yeah?
460
00:38:25,595 --> 00:38:28,428
That house we ran last night,
was that the McCallister's?
461
00:38:28,598 --> 00:38:30,088
Yeah.
462
00:38:30,433 --> 00:38:33,767
- Call me in Paris.
- You're right. They're gone.
463
00:38:37,190 --> 00:38:40,728
- I knew they were.
- Silver tuna tonight.
464
00:38:49,869 --> 00:38:51,200
How may I help you?
465
00:38:51,871 --> 00:38:55,159
Is this toothbrush approved
by the American Dental Association?
466
00:38:55,959 --> 00:38:57,495
Well, I don't know.
467
00:38:58,586 --> 00:39:01,999
- It doesn't say, hon.
- Can you please find out?
468
00:39:05,176 --> 00:39:06,883
- Herb.
- Yeah?
469
00:39:07,095 --> 00:39:10,338
I got a question here
about a toothbrush.
470
00:39:16,938 --> 00:39:21,432
Do you know, is this brush approved
by the American Dental Association?
471
00:39:21,609 --> 00:39:22,770
I don't know.
472
00:39:45,258 --> 00:39:47,670
Oh, hon, you pay for that here.
473
00:39:49,762 --> 00:39:51,628
Wait, you have to pay for that.
474
00:39:52,390 --> 00:39:55,473
Son! Son! Hey!
475
00:39:55,935 --> 00:39:58,393
Jimmy, stop that boy!
476
00:40:02,817 --> 00:40:03,978
Hey!
477
00:40:04,193 --> 00:40:06,059
Hey!
478
00:40:08,323 --> 00:40:09,813
Shoplifter!
479
00:40:13,661 --> 00:40:14,867
Hey! Hey, kid!
480
00:40:21,878 --> 00:40:23,243
Come back here!
481
00:40:24,756 --> 00:40:26,417
Stop it, will you?
482
00:40:26,966 --> 00:40:28,081
Come here.
483
00:41:06,255 --> 00:41:08,121
I'm a criminal.
484
00:41:35,451 --> 00:41:37,158
What's so funny?
485
00:41:37,954 --> 00:41:39,240
What's so funny?
486
00:41:39,747 --> 00:41:40,862
Why are you laughing?
487
00:41:44,168 --> 00:41:45,374
You did it again.
488
00:41:46,796 --> 00:41:48,252
You left the water running.
489
00:41:49,173 --> 00:41:51,585
Why do you do that?
I told you not to do it.
490
00:41:51,801 --> 00:41:54,168
- It's our calling card.
- Calling card.
491
00:41:54,387 --> 00:41:56,503
All the great ones leave their mark.
492
00:41:56,764 --> 00:41:58,346
We're the Wet Bandits.
493
00:41:58,766 --> 00:42:01,303
You're sick, you know?
You're really sick.
494
00:42:02,186 --> 00:42:03,972
- I'm not sick.
- Yes, you are.
495
00:42:04,188 --> 00:42:05,394
It's a sick thing to do.
496
00:42:12,196 --> 00:42:14,028
- We don't need that.
- Don't tell me...
497
00:42:14,282 --> 00:42:16,114
I can do it if I want to.
498
00:42:18,286 --> 00:42:20,493
It's not sick. Hey, watch out!
499
00:42:28,796 --> 00:42:30,127
Hey! Hey!
500
00:42:30,339 --> 00:42:32,296
You gotta watch out for traffic.
501
00:42:32,675 --> 00:42:34,586
- Sorry.
- Damn.
502
00:42:34,802 --> 00:42:37,169
Santy don't visit
the funeral homes, buddy.
503
00:42:38,222 --> 00:42:39,428
Okay, okay.
504
00:42:40,308 --> 00:42:42,390
Merry Christmas.
505
00:42:52,570 --> 00:42:53,901
What's the matter?
506
00:42:54,322 --> 00:42:56,438
I don't like the way
that kid looked at me.
507
00:42:56,657 --> 00:43:00,241
- Ever seen him before?
- I saw a hundred kids this week.
508
00:43:01,329 --> 00:43:03,115
Let's see what house he goes into.
509
00:43:35,696 --> 00:43:37,027
Why's he going faster?
510
00:43:37,281 --> 00:43:39,363
I told you something's wrong.
511
00:43:39,575 --> 00:43:41,566
He looked at me weird.
Why would he run?
512
00:44:17,738 --> 00:44:19,479
Maybe he went in the church.
513
00:44:19,782 --> 00:44:22,490
- I'm not going in there.
- Me neither.
514
00:44:22,785 --> 00:44:24,617
Let's get out of here.
515
00:44:42,513 --> 00:44:46,131
When those guys come back,
I'll be ready.
516
00:45:10,958 --> 00:45:12,198
Did they come back?
517
00:45:12,668 --> 00:45:14,500
From Paris?
518
00:45:50,122 --> 00:45:52,489
We'll come back tomorrow.
Maybe they'll be gone.
519
00:45:53,251 --> 00:45:55,993
We better go before
somebody sees us.
520
00:46:27,535 --> 00:46:29,367
Look what I found in the kitchen.
521
00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:31,736
Frank, those are for later.
522
00:46:36,544 --> 00:46:38,956
Do you want a little shrimp, huh?
523
00:46:40,089 --> 00:46:41,796
Do you speak English?
524
00:46:45,344 --> 00:46:46,675
Well, is there...?
525
00:46:52,476 --> 00:46:55,685
- Did you get anybody?
- I am looking for my son!
526
00:46:55,896 --> 00:46:57,603
No, I can't find anybody.
527
00:46:57,815 --> 00:47:00,898
They're all shopping.
Nobody's home for the holidays.
528
00:47:01,152 --> 00:47:02,813
Never mind, forget it.
529
00:47:03,696 --> 00:47:06,404
- This is so pointless.
- What?
530
00:47:06,782 --> 00:47:08,864
We're here rotting in this apartment.
531
00:47:09,076 --> 00:47:11,283
Kevin's at home.
Mom's at the airport.
532
00:47:11,662 --> 00:47:14,245
- So?
- You're not worried about Kevin?
533
00:47:14,457 --> 00:47:19,327
Why should I be? He acted like a jerk,
and now he caught it in the butt.
534
00:47:20,588 --> 00:47:23,956
He's so little and helpless.
Don't you think he's flipped out?
535
00:47:24,175 --> 00:47:27,258
The trout can use a couple of days
in the real world.
536
00:47:27,470 --> 00:47:29,677
You're not worried
something might happen?
537
00:47:30,598 --> 00:47:32,464
No. For three reasons:
538
00:47:32,683 --> 00:47:37,348
A, I'm not that lucky.
Two, we have smoke detectors...
539
00:47:37,605 --> 00:47:41,439
...and D, we live in the most boring
street in the United States...
540
00:47:41,650 --> 00:47:46,019
...where nothing even remotely
dangerous will ever happen. Period.
541
00:48:13,140 --> 00:48:14,175
Who is it?
542
00:48:14,350 --> 00:48:16,557
It's Little Nero's. I have your pizza.
543
00:48:17,186 --> 00:48:19,848
Leave it on the doorstep
and get the hell out.
544
00:48:20,815 --> 00:48:22,226
Okay.
545
00:48:23,651 --> 00:48:25,016
What about the money?
546
00:48:26,404 --> 00:48:27,894
What money?
547
00:48:28,697 --> 00:48:31,359
Well, you have to pay
for your pizza, sir.
548
00:48:32,326 --> 00:48:35,694
Is that a fact?
How much do I owe you?
549
00:48:37,206 --> 00:48:39,038
That'll be $11.80, sir.
550
00:48:46,507 --> 00:48:49,090
Keep the change, you filthy animal.
551
00:48:51,011 --> 00:48:52,752
- Cheapskate.
- Hey.
552
00:48:52,972 --> 00:48:55,259
I'm gonna give you
to the count of 10...
553
00:48:55,474 --> 00:48:57,841
...to get your ugly, yellow...
554
00:48:58,102 --> 00:49:00,184
...no-good keister off my property...
555
00:49:00,396 --> 00:49:02,512
...before I pump your guts full of lead.
556
00:49:02,731 --> 00:49:05,473
One, two... 10.
557
00:49:33,471 --> 00:49:36,805
A lovely cheese pizza, just for me.
558
00:49:40,019 --> 00:49:41,601
...to Dallas/Fort Worth.
559
00:49:41,854 --> 00:49:43,640
American Airlines...
560
00:49:45,399 --> 00:49:47,936
So we have the $500,
the pocket translator...
561
00:49:48,152 --> 00:49:50,484
...the two first-class seats,
that's an upgrade...
562
00:49:50,738 --> 00:49:51,853
Is that a real Rolex?
563
00:49:53,616 --> 00:49:55,903
- Do you think it is?
- No.
564
00:49:56,118 --> 00:49:59,327
But who can tell? I also have a ring.
565
00:49:59,580 --> 00:50:01,412
That is beautiful!
566
00:50:01,624 --> 00:50:02,955
They're boarding.
567
00:50:03,584 --> 00:50:06,793
She's offered us two first-class
tickets if we go Friday.
568
00:50:07,004 --> 00:50:11,248
Plus a ring, a watch,
a pocket translator, $500 and...
569
00:50:11,467 --> 00:50:12,753
The earrings.
570
00:50:13,052 --> 00:50:16,795
She's got her own earrings.
A whole shoebox full of them.
571
00:50:17,014 --> 00:50:18,596
- Come on, come on.
- No, but...
572
00:50:20,017 --> 00:50:21,052
I'm desperate.
573
00:50:22,186 --> 00:50:25,929
I'm begging you.
From a mother to a mother. Please!
574
00:50:28,067 --> 00:50:30,775
- Oh, Ed.
- Please!
575
00:50:31,779 --> 00:50:33,440
Oh, all right.
576
00:50:39,203 --> 00:50:41,285
"Dear Santa, I got a sister last year.
577
00:50:41,455 --> 00:50:43,412
This year I'd rather have Clay-Doh."
578
00:50:58,389 --> 00:50:59,424
I didn't mean it.
579
00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:02,803
If you come back, I'll never
be a pain in the butt again.
580
00:51:03,143 --> 00:51:06,306
I promise. Good night.
581
00:52:47,498 --> 00:52:49,409
Are those microwave dinners good?
582
00:52:50,042 --> 00:52:52,784
- I don't know.
- I'll give them a whirl.
583
00:52:58,300 --> 00:52:59,836
For the kids.
584
00:53:02,221 --> 00:53:04,337
Hold on, I got a coupon for that.
585
00:53:05,683 --> 00:53:07,549
It was in the paper this morning.
586
00:53:11,188 --> 00:53:12,223
$19.83.
587
00:53:12,856 --> 00:53:14,096
Okay.
588
00:53:18,195 --> 00:53:19,606
Are you here by yourself?
589
00:53:21,031 --> 00:53:22,692
Ma'am, I'm 8 years old.
590
00:53:22,950 --> 00:53:27,160
You think I'd be here alone?
I don't think so.
591
00:53:27,871 --> 00:53:28,952
Where's your mom?
592
00:53:29,164 --> 00:53:30,746
- In the car.
- Where's your dad?
593
00:53:30,958 --> 00:53:33,871
- He's at work.
- What about brothers and sisters?
594
00:53:34,086 --> 00:53:35,451
I'm an only child.
595
00:53:35,963 --> 00:53:38,045
- Where do you live?
- I can't tell you.
596
00:53:38,257 --> 00:53:41,124
- Why not?
- Because you're a stranger.
597
00:54:19,673 --> 00:54:23,041
Hello, Kevin!
598
00:54:26,513 --> 00:54:27,753
Shut up!
599
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:42,560
I don't get it.
600
00:54:43,197 --> 00:54:45,359
It looks like there's nobody's home.
601
00:54:46,366 --> 00:54:48,573
Last night the place is jumping.
602
00:54:49,203 --> 00:54:51,069
Something ain't right.
603
00:54:51,830 --> 00:54:52,865
Go check it out.
604
00:55:01,882 --> 00:55:03,043
Now?
605
00:55:03,467 --> 00:55:06,926
No, tomorrow, egghead!
Now! Go ahead.
606
00:55:09,264 --> 00:55:10,425
"Now?"
607
00:55:27,783 --> 00:55:28,898
Shit!
608
00:55:32,204 --> 00:55:33,786
Get the hell out of here.
609
00:55:33,997 --> 00:55:37,080
All right, Johnny.
But what about my money?
610
00:55:37,251 --> 00:55:38,366
What money?
611
00:55:38,585 --> 00:55:40,792
A.C. said you had
some dough for me.
612
00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:43,871
Is that a fact?
How much do I owe you?
613
00:55:44,091 --> 00:55:45,877
A.C. said 10 percent.
614
00:55:47,135 --> 00:55:49,627
Too bad A.C. ain't in charge no more.
615
00:55:49,847 --> 00:55:51,008
What do you mean?
616
00:55:51,223 --> 00:55:53,715
He's upstairs, taking a bath.
617
00:55:54,643 --> 00:55:56,805
He'll call you when he gets out.
618
00:55:58,272 --> 00:56:02,357
Hey, I tell you what
I'm gonna give you, Snakes.
619
00:56:03,193 --> 00:56:06,276
- Snakes?
- I'll give you to the count of 10...
620
00:56:06,488 --> 00:56:08,695
...to get your ugly,
yellow, no-good...
621
00:56:08,907 --> 00:56:10,864
...keister off my property...
622
00:56:11,118 --> 00:56:13,109
...before I pump your guts full of lead.
623
00:56:13,370 --> 00:56:15,987
All right, Johnny. I'm sorry. I'm going.
624
00:56:16,206 --> 00:56:19,119
One, two... 10.
625
00:56:38,353 --> 00:56:41,311
Keep the change, you filthy animal.
626
00:56:46,153 --> 00:56:47,188
What happened?
627
00:56:47,362 --> 00:56:49,899
I don't know who,
but somebody got blown away.
628
00:56:50,157 --> 00:56:52,398
Somebody beat us, they're in there.
629
00:56:52,659 --> 00:56:53,740
Two of them.
630
00:56:53,994 --> 00:56:56,577
There was arguing.
One blew the other one away.
631
00:56:56,788 --> 00:56:58,370
- Who?
- I don't know.
632
00:56:59,207 --> 00:57:04,293
I recognized one of their voices.
I heard that name "Snakes" before.
633
00:57:04,546 --> 00:57:08,210
Snakes? Snakes. Snakes.
I don't know no Snakes.
634
00:57:08,425 --> 00:57:11,668
Snakes. Let's get out of here.
635
00:57:14,056 --> 00:57:15,296
Hold it. Hold it.
636
00:57:15,515 --> 00:57:18,849
Let's wait and see who it is.
We work this neighborhood too.
637
00:57:19,770 --> 00:57:21,681
Suppose the cops finger us for a job...
638
00:57:21,897 --> 00:57:24,855
...and they ask us
about a murder in the area.
639
00:57:25,067 --> 00:57:28,025
Won't it be nice to have
a face to go with it?
640
00:57:30,739 --> 00:57:31,854
That's a good idea.
641
00:57:32,407 --> 00:57:35,445
Of course it's a good idea. Snakes?
642
00:57:35,702 --> 00:57:37,864
He sounded like a snake.
643
00:57:44,461 --> 00:57:45,622
Everything's full.
644
00:57:45,837 --> 00:57:47,327
Everything's full?
645
00:57:47,547 --> 00:57:50,380
I'm very sorry,
but it is Christmas Eve.
646
00:57:51,134 --> 00:57:52,920
What about another airline?
647
00:57:57,599 --> 00:58:00,387
Nothing available.
May I help you get a hotel room?
648
00:58:00,602 --> 00:58:04,140
- Tomorrow we can get you a flight.
- I can't wait that long.
649
00:58:04,773 --> 00:58:08,641
I'm sorry, ma'am, but we're doing
absolutely everything we can.
650
00:58:12,906 --> 00:58:15,864
I'm in your way. I'm sorry.
You've places to go.
651
00:58:16,076 --> 00:58:18,443
Got a ticket there, good. Excuse me.
652
00:58:18,745 --> 00:58:23,490
Look, I have been awake for almost
60 hours. I'm tired and I'm dirty.
653
00:58:24,001 --> 00:58:28,040
I have been from Chicago to Paris,
to Dallas to... Where am I?
654
00:58:28,672 --> 00:58:30,083
Scranton.
655
00:58:30,382 --> 00:58:32,919
I'm trying to get home
to my 8-year-old son.
656
00:58:33,885 --> 00:58:36,252
Now you're telling me it's hopeless?
657
00:58:36,430 --> 00:58:38,922
- I'm sorry.
- No. No way.
658
00:58:39,182 --> 00:58:42,174
This is Christmas!
The season of perpetual hope.
659
00:58:43,270 --> 00:58:46,012
If I have to get on
your runway and hitchhike...
660
00:58:46,273 --> 00:58:48,264
...if it costs me everything I own...
661
00:58:48,483 --> 00:58:51,316
...if I have to sell my soul
to the devil himself...
662
00:58:51,528 --> 00:58:54,316
...I am going to get home to my son.
663
00:58:55,615 --> 00:58:57,652
Ma'am, if there was anything...
664
00:58:57,868 --> 00:58:59,450
Do it. Do anything.
665
00:58:59,661 --> 00:59:01,572
- I can get you a hotel room.
- What?
666
00:59:01,872 --> 00:59:05,866
Can you excuse us for a sec?
Can I see you for a second, please?
667
00:59:06,084 --> 00:59:07,950
Excuse us.
668
00:59:10,047 --> 00:59:12,459
You got a little bit of a dilemma.
669
00:59:12,674 --> 00:59:15,086
We got a crisis ourselves.
670
00:59:15,677 --> 00:59:17,918
Allow me to introduce myself.
Gus Polinski.
671
00:59:20,348 --> 00:59:22,555
Polka King of the Midwest?
672
00:59:25,812 --> 00:59:27,302
The Kenosha Kickers?
673
00:59:28,607 --> 00:59:29,938
- Hi there.
- Hi.
674
00:59:30,817 --> 00:59:34,185
That's okay. I thought
you might have recognized...
675
00:59:34,446 --> 00:59:37,905
I had a few hits a few years ago.
That's why I just...
676
00:59:38,075 --> 00:59:39,315
"Polka, Polka, Polka"?
677
00:59:41,870 --> 00:59:44,111
No? "Twin Lakes Polka"?
678
00:59:44,331 --> 00:59:49,167
"Yamahoozie Polka," a.k.a.
"Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist"?
679
00:59:49,377 --> 00:59:50,833
These are songs?
680
00:59:51,046 --> 00:59:53,913
Yeah. Yeah, we...
Some fairly big hits for us.
681
00:59:54,174 --> 00:59:55,960
You know, in the early '70s.
682
00:59:56,176 --> 00:59:58,964
Yeah, we sold about
623 copies of that.
683
00:59:59,179 --> 01:00:00,761
- In Chicago?
- No, Sheboygan.
684
01:00:00,972 --> 01:00:02,633
Very big in Sheboygan.
685
01:00:02,849 --> 01:00:04,339
Did you say you could help?
686
01:00:04,518 --> 01:00:08,261
Anyway, I'm rambling on here.
Our flight was canceled...
687
01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:12,849
...so we gotta drive. See the guy
in the yellow jacket over there?
688
01:00:13,068 --> 01:00:16,481
He's gonna rent us a nice big van
to drive to Milwaukee.
689
01:00:16,696 --> 01:00:20,030
Now, I heard you had some problems
getting to Chicago?
690
01:00:20,408 --> 01:00:21,648
To see your kid?
691
01:00:21,910 --> 01:00:25,869
My son. He...
We left, and he's there.
692
01:00:26,039 --> 01:00:29,657
If you have to get to Chicago,
we'll gladly drive you.
693
01:00:29,876 --> 01:00:31,958
It's on the way to Milwaukee.
694
01:00:32,462 --> 01:00:34,874
- You'd give me a ride?
- Sure, why not?
695
01:00:35,090 --> 01:00:36,580
You gotta get home.
696
01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:39,792
- A ride to Chicago?
- Sure, it's Christmastime.
697
01:00:40,428 --> 01:00:42,010
Thank you. Oh, thank you.
698
01:00:42,264 --> 01:00:44,380
You don't mind
going with polka bums?
699
01:00:44,599 --> 01:00:46,385
No, I'd love to.
700
01:01:08,915 --> 01:01:11,407
Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv!
701
01:01:11,626 --> 01:01:13,458
Look at this.
702
01:01:19,426 --> 01:01:23,010
I think we're getting scammed
by a kindergartner.
703
01:01:53,376 --> 01:01:55,617
Dad, can you come here
and help me?
704
01:02:00,383 --> 01:02:02,750
Remember that kid
we saw the other day?
705
01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:05,210
He lives here.
706
01:02:05,555 --> 01:02:08,013
If the kid's here,
the parents got to be.
707
01:02:08,642 --> 01:02:10,007
He's home alone.
708
01:02:18,276 --> 01:02:20,392
What? You want to
come back tonight?
709
01:02:20,612 --> 01:02:21,977
Even with the kid here?
710
01:02:22,239 --> 01:02:24,355
I don't think that's a good idea.
711
01:02:24,574 --> 01:02:27,282
That house is the reason
we worked this block.
712
01:02:27,535 --> 01:02:29,776
Ever since I saw that house,
I wanted it.
713
01:02:30,205 --> 01:02:32,162
Let's take it one step at a time.
714
01:02:32,374 --> 01:02:36,914
We'll unload the van, get a bite
to eat, we'll come back about 9:00.
715
01:02:37,212 --> 01:02:38,418
Nine o'clock.
716
01:02:38,630 --> 01:02:39,916
This way it's dark.
717
01:02:40,507 --> 01:02:43,215
Yeah, kids are scared of the dark.
718
01:02:43,426 --> 01:02:46,088
You're afraid of the dark too.
You know you are.
719
01:02:47,597 --> 01:02:48,928
No, I'm not.
720
01:02:49,140 --> 01:02:51,006
- Yes, you are.
- Not, not, not.
721
01:02:51,226 --> 01:02:52,387
You are so.
722
01:02:52,602 --> 01:02:54,593
Mom, where are you?
723
01:03:09,327 --> 01:03:10,567
Do you play?
724
01:03:11,246 --> 01:03:14,580
Do you want to try?
Go ahead, try it. Try it!
725
01:03:42,319 --> 01:03:44,401
- Excuse me.
- Yeah?
726
01:03:46,072 --> 01:03:47,654
Hey, nice shoes.
727
01:03:48,116 --> 01:03:49,606
Oh, thanks.
728
01:03:49,826 --> 01:03:53,285
Is he still here?
It's really important that I see him.
729
01:03:54,080 --> 01:03:57,448
He's getting in his car.
If you hurry, you can catch him.
730
01:03:58,835 --> 01:04:03,170
How low! Giving Kriss Kringle
a parking ticket on Christmas Eve!
731
01:04:03,381 --> 01:04:05,964
What's next, rabies shots
for the Easter Bunny?
732
01:04:06,176 --> 01:04:07,666
Santa, hold on.
733
01:04:10,013 --> 01:04:13,802
- Can I talk to you?
- Make it quick. Santa's running late.
734
01:04:14,100 --> 01:04:16,432
I know you're not
the real Santa Claus.
735
01:04:16,936 --> 01:04:20,395
What makes you say that?
Just out of curiosity.
736
01:04:20,607 --> 01:04:24,100
- I'm old enough to know how it works.
- All right.
737
01:04:24,277 --> 01:04:26,314
But I also know you work for him.
738
01:04:26,654 --> 01:04:29,487
- I'd like you to give him a message.
- Shoot.
739
01:04:29,949 --> 01:04:34,694
Kevin McCallister, 671 Lincoln Blvd.
Do you need the phone number?
740
01:04:35,038 --> 01:04:36,278
No, that's all right.
741
01:04:36,664 --> 01:04:38,405
This is extremely important.
742
01:04:38,666 --> 01:04:43,661
Please tell him instead of presents,
I just want my family back.
743
01:04:44,214 --> 01:04:48,629
No toys. Nothing but Peter, Kate,
Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff.
744
01:04:48,843 --> 01:04:50,880
And my aunt and my cousins.
745
01:04:51,137 --> 01:04:54,220
And if he has time,
my Uncle Frank. Okay?
746
01:04:55,934 --> 01:04:57,140
Okay.
747
01:04:58,019 --> 01:05:00,306
- I'll see what I can do.
- Thanks.
748
01:05:00,522 --> 01:05:05,062
Wait. My elf took the last of the
candy canes home to her boyfriend.
749
01:05:05,360 --> 01:05:07,146
- That's okay.
- No, don't be silly.
750
01:05:07,362 --> 01:05:10,229
Everybody who sees Santa
has gotta get something.
751
01:05:10,448 --> 01:05:14,567
Here, hold out your little paw there.
There you go.
752
01:05:15,078 --> 01:05:17,410
- Don't spoil your dinner.
- I won't.
753
01:05:17,831 --> 01:05:19,242
Thanks.
754
01:05:30,468 --> 01:05:32,050
Son of a...!
755
01:08:29,439 --> 01:08:30,770
Merry Christmas.
756
01:08:33,359 --> 01:08:34,565
May I sit down?
757
01:08:45,955 --> 01:08:47,286
That's my granddaughter.
758
01:08:47,957 --> 01:08:49,868
The little red-haired girl.
759
01:08:51,878 --> 01:08:54,620
She's about your age. You know her?
760
01:08:54,797 --> 01:08:55,912
No.
761
01:08:56,132 --> 01:08:59,170
- You live next to me, don't you?
- Yeah.
762
01:08:59,385 --> 01:09:02,923
You can say hello when you see me.
You don't have to be afraid.
763
01:09:03,931 --> 01:09:08,892
There's a lot of things going around
about me, but none of it's true. Okay?
764
01:09:09,729 --> 01:09:11,720
- You've been good this year?
- I think so.
765
01:09:12,398 --> 01:09:13,729
You swear to it?
766
01:09:14,108 --> 01:09:15,143
No.
767
01:09:15,401 --> 01:09:19,986
Yeah. Well, this is the place to be
if you're feeling bad about yourself.
768
01:09:20,406 --> 01:09:23,023
- It is?
- I think so.
769
01:09:23,242 --> 01:09:25,825
- Are you feeling bad about yourself?
- No.
770
01:09:30,291 --> 01:09:34,785
I've been kind of a pain lately.
I said some things I shouldn't have.
771
01:09:35,546 --> 01:09:38,208
I really haven't been
too good this year.
772
01:09:38,841 --> 01:09:39,876
Yeah.
773
01:09:40,051 --> 01:09:43,294
I'm kind of upset
because I really like my family.
774
01:09:43,513 --> 01:09:48,428
Even though sometimes I say I don't.
Sometimes I even think I don't.
775
01:09:48,726 --> 01:09:51,468
- Do you get that?
- I think so.
776
01:09:51,938 --> 01:09:54,771
How you feel about your family
is a complicated thing.
777
01:09:55,024 --> 01:09:57,436
Especially with an older brother.
778
01:09:58,194 --> 01:10:00,526
Deep down, you'll always love them.
779
01:10:00,738 --> 01:10:05,027
But you can forget that you love them.
You can hurt them, they can hurt you.
780
01:10:05,243 --> 01:10:07,655
And that's not just
because you're young.
781
01:10:09,372 --> 01:10:12,080
You want to know the real
reason why I'm here?
782
01:10:12,291 --> 01:10:13,531
Sure.
783
01:10:14,001 --> 01:10:17,790
I came to hear my granddaughter sing.
I can't come hear her tonight.
784
01:10:18,381 --> 01:10:19,462
You have plans?
785
01:10:19,882 --> 01:10:21,714
No.
786
01:10:21,884 --> 01:10:23,215
I'm not welcome.
787
01:10:24,011 --> 01:10:25,217
At church?
788
01:10:25,471 --> 01:10:27,553
You're always welcome at church.
789
01:10:27,765 --> 01:10:29,847
I'm not welcome with my son.
790
01:10:31,310 --> 01:10:35,053
Years back, before you and your family
moved on the block...
791
01:10:35,815 --> 01:10:37,476
...I had an argument with my son.
792
01:10:38,276 --> 01:10:39,311
How old is he?
793
01:10:39,652 --> 01:10:41,188
He's grown up.
794
01:10:42,572 --> 01:10:47,237
We lost our tempers, and I said
I didn't care to see him anymore.
795
01:10:47,744 --> 01:10:52,079
He said the same, and we haven't
spoken to each other since.
796
01:10:53,249 --> 01:10:55,490
If you miss him,
why don't you call him?
797
01:10:56,127 --> 01:10:58,243
I'm afraid if I call,
he won't talk to me.
798
01:10:58,504 --> 01:10:59,994
How do you know?
799
01:11:01,007 --> 01:11:03,669
I don't know.
I'm just afraid he won't.
800
01:11:04,510 --> 01:11:07,502
No offense, but aren't you
a little old to be afraid?
801
01:11:08,890 --> 01:11:11,052
You can be old for a lot of things.
802
01:11:11,267 --> 01:11:14,055
- You're never too old to be afraid.
- That's true.
803
01:11:14,270 --> 01:11:16,181
I was afraid of our basement.
804
01:11:16,397 --> 01:11:19,685
It's dark. There's weird stuff
down there, and it smells funny.
805
01:11:19,901 --> 01:11:23,360
That sort of thing.
It's bothered me for years.
806
01:11:23,738 --> 01:11:24,899
Basements are like that.
807
01:11:26,240 --> 01:11:28,607
I made myself go down
to do some laundry...
808
01:11:28,826 --> 01:11:30,942
...and I found out it's not so bad.
809
01:11:31,204 --> 01:11:35,789
I worried about it, but if you
turn on the lights, it's no big deal.
810
01:11:36,083 --> 01:11:37,118
What's your point?
811
01:11:37,585 --> 01:11:40,327
My point is,
you should call your son.
812
01:11:41,297 --> 01:11:44,039
- What if he won't talk to me?
- At least you'll know.
813
01:11:44,258 --> 01:11:48,627
Then you could stop worrying about it.
You won't have to be afraid anymore.
814
01:11:49,305 --> 01:11:54,345
No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to
my dad. Especially around the holidays.
815
01:11:56,103 --> 01:11:57,685
I don't know.
816
01:11:57,897 --> 01:12:00,810
Just give it a shot.
For your granddaughter anyway.
817
01:12:01,067 --> 01:12:04,230
I'm sure she misses you.
And the presents.
818
01:12:04,946 --> 01:12:06,277
I send her a check.
819
01:12:06,989 --> 01:12:10,573
I wish my grandparents did that.
They always send me clothes.
820
01:12:10,785 --> 01:12:13,618
Last year I got a sweater
with a bird knitted on it.
821
01:12:13,871 --> 01:12:14,906
Oh, that's nice.
822
01:12:15,122 --> 01:12:17,238
Not for a guy in the second grade.
823
01:12:17,458 --> 01:12:20,075
You can get beat up
for wearing something like that.
824
01:12:21,462 --> 01:12:23,499
I have a friend who got nailed...
825
01:12:23,714 --> 01:12:26,581
...because there was a rumor
he wore dinosaur pajamas.
826
01:12:27,718 --> 01:12:31,962
You better run home where you belong.
Think about what I said.
827
01:12:32,390 --> 01:12:33,755
- All right?
- Okay.
828
01:12:34,559 --> 01:12:35,720
It's nice talking to you.
829
01:12:36,894 --> 01:12:38,635
Nice talking to you.
830
01:12:44,902 --> 01:12:46,984
- What about you?
- Me?
831
01:12:47,655 --> 01:12:49,145
Yeah. You and your son.
832
01:12:51,117 --> 01:12:52,983
We'll see what happens.
833
01:12:54,287 --> 01:12:55,527
Merry Christmas.
834
01:12:56,747 --> 01:12:58,658
Merry Christmas.
835
01:13:50,551 --> 01:13:54,169
This is my house. I have to defend it.
836
01:15:22,018 --> 01:15:25,261
We'll check it out.
We can come back for the truck.
837
01:15:33,529 --> 01:15:34,644
How do we go in?
838
01:15:35,281 --> 01:15:38,194
We'll go to the back door.
Maybe he'll let us in.
839
01:15:38,409 --> 01:15:41,777
Yeah, he's a kid. Kids are stupid.
840
01:15:43,831 --> 01:15:47,790
Bless this nutritious, microwaveable
macaroni and cheese dinner...
841
01:15:48,002 --> 01:15:50,790
...and the people
who sold it on sale. Amen.
842
01:16:15,863 --> 01:16:18,525
This is it. Don't get scared now.
843
01:16:31,754 --> 01:16:34,416
Merry Christmas, little fella.
844
01:16:35,341 --> 01:16:40,006
We know that you're in there
and that you're all alone.
845
01:16:40,554 --> 01:16:42,841
Yeah, come on, kid. Open up.
846
01:16:43,766 --> 01:16:46,383
It's Santy Claus and his elf.
847
01:16:48,854 --> 01:16:50,060
We won't hurt you.
848
01:16:50,731 --> 01:16:54,144
No, no. Got some nice
presents for you.
849
01:16:54,485 --> 01:16:58,149
Be a good little fella now
and open the door.
850
01:17:02,993 --> 01:17:04,108
What?
851
01:17:05,955 --> 01:17:07,946
What? What?
852
01:17:08,666 --> 01:17:09,701
What?
853
01:17:09,875 --> 01:17:12,367
- What happened?
- Get that little...
854
01:17:23,889 --> 01:17:25,300
Hello.
855
01:17:31,021 --> 01:17:33,388
Yes! Yes!
856
01:17:33,607 --> 01:17:35,097
The little jerk is armed!
857
01:17:35,317 --> 01:17:39,527
That's it! I'm going in the front.
You go down the basement!
858
01:18:41,884 --> 01:18:44,091
That smart aleck!
859
01:20:12,349 --> 01:20:16,889
Oh, boy. That's it, you little...
You little...
860
01:20:17,855 --> 01:20:20,062
No, not this time, you little brat.
861
01:20:23,402 --> 01:20:26,269
You little creep, where are you?
862
01:20:50,220 --> 01:20:51,631
Yes!
863
01:21:25,381 --> 01:21:27,167
...rip his head off...!
864
01:21:37,059 --> 01:21:38,470
You're dead, kid.
865
01:22:25,983 --> 01:22:28,691
Where are you, you little creep?
866
01:22:44,918 --> 01:22:47,626
Harry, I'm coming in!
867
01:22:52,301 --> 01:22:54,338
Oh, no! I'm really scared.
868
01:22:54,595 --> 01:22:58,384
It's too late for you, kid, we're
in the house. We're gonna get you.
869
01:22:58,640 --> 01:23:00,722
Okay, come and get me!
870
01:23:01,101 --> 01:23:02,216
Why, you...!
871
01:23:08,775 --> 01:23:10,015
Now you're dead!
872
01:23:35,802 --> 01:23:38,294
I'm gonna kill that kid!
873
01:23:53,320 --> 01:23:55,482
- Marv.
- Harry?
874
01:23:55,822 --> 01:23:57,563
Why'd you take your shoes off?
875
01:23:58,116 --> 01:23:59,823
Why are you dressed like a chicken?
876
01:24:01,828 --> 01:24:05,196
I'm up here, you morons.
Come and get me.
877
01:24:08,627 --> 01:24:11,870
You guys give up,
or are you thirsty for more?
878
01:24:21,723 --> 01:24:23,088
Heads up!
879
01:24:26,186 --> 01:24:28,644
Don't worry, Marv.
I'll get him for you.
880
01:24:32,818 --> 01:24:34,479
Yes!
881
01:24:39,032 --> 01:24:41,319
He's only a kid, Harry.
We can take him.
882
01:24:41,493 --> 01:24:44,576
Shut up, will you? What is it?
883
01:24:44,830 --> 01:24:46,946
You're missing some teeth.
884
01:24:47,165 --> 01:24:49,327
Where? It's my gold tooth.
885
01:24:49,543 --> 01:24:52,501
My gold tooth. I'll kill him. I'll kill him!
886
01:24:54,840 --> 01:24:57,047
You bomb me with
one more can, kid...
887
01:24:57,342 --> 01:25:01,506
...and I'll snap off your cojones
and boil them in motor oil!
888
01:25:04,933 --> 01:25:06,048
911 emergency.
889
01:25:06,268 --> 01:25:08,100
Hello, my house is being robbed.
890
01:25:08,353 --> 01:25:13,018
My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard.
My name is Murphy.
891
01:25:16,528 --> 01:25:17,939
You never know what's there.
892
01:25:19,072 --> 01:25:20,688
There he is!
893
01:25:25,621 --> 01:25:27,282
I got you! I got him, Harry.
894
01:25:29,082 --> 01:25:30,368
I got him.
895
01:25:31,501 --> 01:25:32,787
Harry, give me a hand!
896
01:25:36,173 --> 01:25:38,084
I got him!
897
01:25:38,258 --> 01:25:39,589
Harry, help me. Get up!
898
01:25:41,219 --> 01:25:42,425
I got him.
899
01:26:22,135 --> 01:26:23,421
What are you doing?
900
01:26:24,262 --> 01:26:26,845
Harry, don't move.
901
01:26:27,099 --> 01:26:28,180
Marv?
902
01:26:28,433 --> 01:26:30,765
Don't move.
903
01:26:31,269 --> 01:26:32,805
What are you doing?
904
01:26:37,567 --> 01:26:39,228
Did I get him?
905
01:26:39,695 --> 01:26:41,060
Did I get him?
906
01:26:41,446 --> 01:26:43,528
Where is it? Where is it?
907
01:26:43,740 --> 01:26:47,358
Never mind that. Here!
How do you like it, huh? You jerk!
908
01:26:47,577 --> 01:26:50,444
Get that kid, before I...
Get that kid!
909
01:27:17,107 --> 01:27:18,393
Where'd he go?
910
01:27:19,067 --> 01:27:21,149
Maybe he committed suicide.
911
01:27:21,486 --> 01:27:26,276
Down here, you big horse's ass!
Come get me before I call the police.
912
01:27:26,491 --> 01:27:28,482
- Let's get him!
- Wait, wait.
913
01:27:28,702 --> 01:27:30,568
It's just what he wants us to do:
914
01:27:30,787 --> 01:27:33,870
Go back through his fun house
so we get all tore up.
915
01:27:34,082 --> 01:27:35,618
He's gonna call the cops!
916
01:27:35,834 --> 01:27:37,495
From a tree house?
917
01:27:37,753 --> 01:27:38,868
Come on.
918
01:27:40,130 --> 01:27:41,712
- Out the window?
- Yeah.
919
01:27:41,882 --> 01:27:43,293
I'm not going out the window.
920
01:27:43,508 --> 01:27:47,502
Why, you scared? Are you afraid?
Come on, get out here.
921
01:27:52,350 --> 01:27:53,681
Come on.
922
01:27:59,691 --> 01:28:01,181
Come on!
923
01:28:06,823 --> 01:28:10,066
- Come on. Keep going.
- Let's go back, Harry.
924
01:28:15,707 --> 01:28:16,788
Shut it, Marv.
925
01:28:20,253 --> 01:28:21,288
Hey, guys!
926
01:28:21,880 --> 01:28:23,166
Check this out.
927
01:28:24,257 --> 01:28:25,964
Go back. Go back.
928
01:29:14,474 --> 01:29:15,839
There he is!
929
01:29:16,017 --> 01:29:18,099
Hey, I'm calling the cops!
930
01:29:19,354 --> 01:29:21,846
Wait, wait!
He wants us to follow him.
931
01:29:22,107 --> 01:29:24,018
I got a better idea. Come on.
932
01:29:42,043 --> 01:29:43,249
Hi, pal.
933
01:29:43,670 --> 01:29:46,913
We outsmarted you this time.
Get over here!
934
01:29:53,138 --> 01:29:54,299
What are you gonna do?
935
01:29:54,723 --> 01:29:56,760
I'll do exactly what he did to us.
936
01:29:56,975 --> 01:29:58,807
Burn his head with a blowtorch.
937
01:29:59,019 --> 01:30:01,010
I'll smash his face with an iron.
938
01:30:01,229 --> 01:30:04,062
I'd like to slap him
in the face with a paint can!
939
01:30:04,274 --> 01:30:05,890
Shove a nail through his foot!
940
01:30:06,151 --> 01:30:11,021
I'm gonna bite off every one of
these little fingers, one at a time.
941
01:30:20,332 --> 01:30:22,699
Come on. Let's get you home.
942
01:30:45,690 --> 01:30:48,398
Wow, this is great.
943
01:30:51,738 --> 01:30:54,025
Nice move, leaving the water running.
944
01:30:54,240 --> 01:30:58,074
Now we know each and every house
that you've hit.
945
01:31:01,539 --> 01:31:04,201
We've been looking for you guys
for a long time.
946
01:31:04,459 --> 01:31:07,326
Yeah. Well, remember,
we're the Wet Bandits.
947
01:31:07,712 --> 01:31:11,706
- Wet Bandits, that's W-E-T...
- Shut up! Get in the car!
948
01:31:11,883 --> 01:31:13,499
Hey, come on. Come on.
949
01:31:14,302 --> 01:31:16,794
- Hands off the head, pal!
- Come on.
950
01:32:12,402 --> 01:32:14,313
I'm a bad parent. I'm a bad parent.
951
01:32:14,571 --> 01:32:15,777
No, you're not.
952
01:32:15,947 --> 01:32:18,439
You're beating yourself up there.
This happens.
953
01:32:18,658 --> 01:32:20,365
These things happen.
954
01:32:20,577 --> 01:32:24,445
You want to talk about bad parents?
Look at us.
955
01:32:24,664 --> 01:32:29,409
We're on the road 48, 49 weeks a year.
We hardly see our families.
956
01:32:30,128 --> 01:32:32,369
Joe, over there. Gosh, you know...
957
01:32:32,589 --> 01:32:35,422
...he forgets his kids' names
half the time.
958
01:32:35,633 --> 01:32:38,921
Ziggy over there,
he's never even met his kid.
959
01:32:39,179 --> 01:32:42,922
Eddy... Let's just hope
none of them write a book about him.
960
01:32:44,059 --> 01:32:47,552
Tell me, have you gone on vacation
and left your child home?
961
01:32:50,982 --> 01:32:52,347
No.
962
01:32:53,151 --> 01:32:56,018
But I did leave one
at a funeral parlor once.
963
01:32:56,863 --> 01:33:00,106
Yeah, it was terrible too.
I was all distraught and everything.
964
01:33:00,325 --> 01:33:04,569
The wife and I, we left the little
tyke there in the funeral parlor.
965
01:33:04,829 --> 01:33:08,493
All day. You know, we went
back at night, when we...
966
01:33:08,708 --> 01:33:10,949
...came to our senses, there he was.
967
01:33:11,211 --> 01:33:14,329
Apparently, he was there
all day with a corpse.
968
01:33:15,381 --> 01:33:18,669
He was okay.
You know, after six, seven weeks.
969
01:33:18,885 --> 01:33:21,343
He came around
and started talking again.
970
01:33:22,722 --> 01:33:25,714
They get over it.
Kids are resilient like that.
971
01:33:25,934 --> 01:33:27,641
We shouldn't talk about this.
972
01:33:27,894 --> 01:33:32,013
- I was just trying to cheer you up.
- I'm sorry I did.
973
01:33:58,299 --> 01:33:59,414
Mom?
974
01:34:04,597 --> 01:34:05,883
Mom?
975
01:34:09,936 --> 01:34:11,973
Mom?
976
01:34:58,318 --> 01:34:59,649
Kevin!
977
01:35:01,196 --> 01:35:02,311
Kevin!
978
01:35:33,686 --> 01:35:35,552
Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
979
01:35:44,989 --> 01:35:47,481
Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry.
980
01:36:07,428 --> 01:36:09,214
Where's everybody else?
981
01:36:09,931 --> 01:36:11,922
Oh, baby, they couldn't come.
982
01:36:12,141 --> 01:36:13,381
They wanted to so much...
983
01:36:13,601 --> 01:36:18,061
I didn't fall asleep in the back
and drool all over you, did I?
984
01:36:18,273 --> 01:36:20,605
- You do drool!
- Shut up!
985
01:36:23,444 --> 01:36:27,062
Kevin, my boy. How are you?
It's good to see you.
986
01:36:27,282 --> 01:36:29,023
You're all right.
987
01:36:29,534 --> 01:36:30,740
I love you. You okay?
988
01:36:32,412 --> 01:36:33,527
Hey, Kev.
989
01:36:35,873 --> 01:36:38,535
It's cool that you didn't
burn the place down.
990
01:36:40,878 --> 01:36:42,334
Thanks, Buzz.
991
01:36:44,048 --> 01:36:46,039
Wait a minute.
How'd you guys get home?
992
01:36:46,259 --> 01:36:48,751
On the morning flight
you didn't want to wait for.
993
01:36:48,970 --> 01:36:52,213
- Oh, no. Thank you.
- Merry Christmas.
994
01:36:52,432 --> 01:36:53,843
Merry Christmas.
995
01:36:54,475 --> 01:36:56,557
Someone has to find an open store.
996
01:36:56,769 --> 01:36:58,385
I went shopping yesterday.
997
01:37:01,065 --> 01:37:02,601
You, shopping?
998
01:37:02,900 --> 01:37:05,608
I got some milk, eggs
and fabric softener.
999
01:37:07,572 --> 01:37:09,438
- What?
- No kidding?
1000
01:37:09,657 --> 01:37:11,364
What a funny guy.
1001
01:37:11,576 --> 01:37:13,692
What else did you do
while we were away?
1002
01:37:14,871 --> 01:37:17,112
Just hung around.
1003
01:37:19,208 --> 01:37:20,664
Bring your stuff upstairs.
1004
01:37:20,877 --> 01:37:25,417
Shopping? He doesn't know how
to tie his shoe. He's going shopping?
1005
01:37:25,965 --> 01:37:28,627
This is not the Kevin I knew.
1006
01:37:52,241 --> 01:37:53,777
Honey, what's this?
1007
01:38:52,260 --> 01:38:55,673
Kevin! What did you do to my room?
1008
01:42:34,857 --> 01:42:36,848
[ENGLISH]